Every day is another day of progress, i’m tumbling uphill, regaining only what i feel necessary to move on and each day i’m learning something new of me and the world we are surrounded by. This cloudy weather is now nice for a relaxing day off, hand washing laundry and letting it dry with the clean air Humboldt county gives with such a vast redwood forest covering the coast. very very very happy with the life we’re making and grateful for all of it :)
"Don’t settle. Don’t finish crappy books. If you don’t like the menu, leave the restaurant. If you’re not on the right path, get off it."
I’ve been working out pretty strenuously for three weeks and I am proudly working toward taking a cute fucking bath picture (along with a body I admire everyday.) I’ve also come to the realization that the longer I deny that I am the sole reason for not being where I find ideal I will sink further into an uncomfortable body. I love feeling so many drops of swet fall off my body, it’s such a reward :)
today is one of those inspiring days, where even the bad parts feel great. i’ve finally become okay with letting go, there are friends who will never be as close as they once were and i’m happily accepted and encouraging this change. yesterday we threw a barbeque and lots of our new friends came and i found myself drunk on my couch with my new friends who i have so much in common with. these were new coworkers, neighbors, and those of vincent’s. after almost a year of living here i’m finally feeling it. i know my way around the streets, which shortcuts to take, which beautiful scenic routs to take more often, how to smile and breathe completely again. it’s been almost two years since my world changed completely, fell not-so-gracefully into confusing little pieces and i recognized nothing other than my fear, anxiety, and the scared girl i was years ago and she returned full force. this town is such a cleanse, even when i hate my job and the hours i get i come home to a beautiful man smiling through his piles of homework and research papers just happy to see me. i love him more than anyone will ever know, and i like it that way because he understands is perfectly. i’m falling more and more in love with him and our life together each day, slowly allowing everything to float by and focus on the things that make us happy, focused, and inspired. i broke his favorite mug so today i bought a beautiful little flower and put it in…i hope he’ll like it haha.. i watched my first sunset a few days ago with him and his parents who were visiting for a few days. it was beautiful and i didn’t feel rushed to do anything else, have to make sure they’re happy or anything. then we went back into the room they bought for their time here and talked until all the light went away and even when that happened we didn’t mind. all the lights stayed off and we just all talked for a long time and it was so peaceful. nothing to distract us, and i could visualize everything they talked about. their childhood adventures, moving in together, owning their house. i’m just in such a great time and i’m grateful for everything
“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” But being perfect wouldn’t actually protect you from those emotions, and if you never let yourself fail (or beat yourself up when you do), you miss out on a lot.
-Brené Brown (Daring Greatly)