misty caves, heavy fog on cold nights and the sound of crashing waves and sea lions barking. this is where we’re headed after the death of the owner and our lease in our current house is up. just last week i was thinking about where we’d be in one year, and it has completely changed. i will not move back. i will never be returning, i am continuing a very new, very great life that involves most new people and new challenges that benefit me and my love.i am a live-in nanny for four nights out of the week in a little town with no reception and a bear on the loose eating the neighbor’s fruit trees. i awake in my trailer to the sound of a screaming women (or so it sounds) to realize i am hearing either mountain lions or coyotes. i love it so much. i love being so absolutely away from everyone and everything i’ve ever known. the water is scarce due the drought, we haul all of the food in and the nearest store is a tiny little market about 40 minutes away. i feel like talking about it gives too much light, exposes this retreat too much. it’s a secret haven that i feel so grateful to have been invited too, and to be working in such a beautiful place in the world. on top of that my boss has offered me the two bedroom house within walking distance to our favorite beach. i can’t think of anything that would make this better. i’m so glad to have taken a chance and moved out here when we did. things have been very hard to work through, and i know i’m nowhere near done with hard times in my life, but i am very excited for the future, to continue putting myself in situations i have only myself to rely on and in ones that scare the living hell out of me, to look back and not just say “i’ve done that” but “i once was scared about doing that, too” when i’m talking to my child or anyone in a similar place to where i’ve been. i may never climb a redwood but i will create things and adventure my heart out.