very very inspired. mainly broke, but inspired.
"Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes."
"I wish more people cared about the earth as much as they cared about who they believed created it."
#you may tire of me
most of my troubles were from my illusions on relationships coming to a close, forcefully facing that my “best friends” did not want me around as i imagined, as much as i made up in my mind over the years, of this strong unbreakable bond with such old friends that truly didn’t exist. only hopes, but this is easy when you move away and back and away again. i wasn’t sure where to pick up or what to hold on too, and i’m so glad those faded away, as if i’m done packing and leaving for good this time. this time it felt right, i really am done with my childhood neighborhood. i have one friend that i’ve loved since 4th grade and i know we’ll continue talking, and just a few from middle school, 3-4 from high school and i’m absolutely excited about that. and i don’t make heartfelt attempts at reconnecting with many anymore because i’m very okay letting friendships come to an end. i won’t drag this out, make it a miserable encounter when or if we see each other again. but i really plan on staying away for good. in a home like windows with all of this occuring i formed a shell and like a tortoise of 100 years old i painfully crawled to my dark corner to think about things, i’m sorry for those i hurt during my escape. i truly didn’t know why i felt my whole world was coming to an end, it’s something i’m still wringing out of me. but it’s okay now, and will continue getting much better. i’m thankful for my fire in winter, my strong, unexplainable love… i’m the most grateful for you vincent…i love you more than anything.
since my phone was cracked into little bits i’ve been looking for a new one, and all of a sudden i’m being flooded in tmobile adds for the one i’m really considering and it’s all making me feel claustrophobic and as though i don’t need a phone at all….. hm..
I still cringe at MySpace comments I made 5 years ago